We want more love: students

National 2 minutes, 17 seconds


MOST students, particularly those in secondary level, want parents to be more loving, understanding and attentive, according to a recent study by the Counseling and Career Guidance Section of the Department of Schools.

Hj Ali Yusri Abdul Ghafor, Assistant Director of the counseling section of the Department of Schools, said the study was conducted on more than 600 secondary school students in Brunei.

He said each student that had attended his motivational talks were required to take a questionnaire which centred on the parent-child relationship.

“We prepared questions asking what characteristics their ideal parents would have, and they were required to answer truthfully. The good thing is that the participants of the survey could remain anonymous so they could be honest about how they felt,” he said.

He said the study showed that most students crave love, attention, affection and being understood by their parents.

“It’s sad that children have to ask for these things, and we were surprised to learn that these were the top traits that students think parents should possess,” he said, adding that most of the students wanted their parents to show more affection.

“I think children, no matter how old they are, will always want to have that special connection with their parents. They want to be shown and not told because that is when they are prone to rebel,” he added.

He said that miscommunication between parents and their children is one of the most common reasons why parents seek counseling from the Department of Schools.

“From what I can see is that some parents tend to tell their children what they should and should not do without hearing them out,”

“This shouldn’t be the case as parents need to be good listeners. They must keep in mind that children change when they enter secondary level,” he said, noting that parenting skills must be adjusted as the child gets older.

“Hj Ali Yusri reminded parents that children need to be listened to as they grow older and encouraged parents to use this time to “treat them like adults” and give them the space they need.

Meanwhile, the education officer said a separate study conducted on Bruneian parents found that the most common qualities they seek in their ‘ideal child’ include being pious, righteous, obedient and intelligence among others.

The study was conducted on parents who were required to attend parenting workshops which were held by the Department of Schools.

He urged parents to communicate with their children more and highlighted the importance of parental affection.

“Parental affection is a necessary component, same goes to positive verbal statements and expressions of love as this is a way of supporting and encouraging your child,” he said.

The Brunei Times